Once again, I apologize for my lack of posts. I’m a boring writer with no social life and nothing nonfictional to say for the most part. Therefore, I often run out of nonfictional subjects on which to post. I sit at home all day. I spend time with fictional characters until my husband gets home. I go upstairs and spend time with him and our newly acquired son. (You can read about that here.) Then I go to bed and fall asleep watching a certain animated show on Hulu.
That’s my boring life, and I’m okay with it, although sometimes I wish it were more exciting. (I’m getting too old for excitement and adventure to be honest.) Anyway, on to the real reason why you’re reading this post, the updates!
I know what you’re thinking…
Let’s go back to September, where the real action began. (July and August were slow, aside from our fireworks extravaganza with loved ones.) September was the Perry Stone Conference. I look forward to that every year. This year, however, I was rather disappointed. Before I continue with why I was disappointed, I just want to say that Perry Stone is my favourite person ever. I love what he has to say, and I agree with a great deal of it. I always learn something new, and I love learning, which is one of the many reasons why he’s my favourite. This conference, however, was a disappointment.
First of all, during the first morning service, he contradicted himself concerning what he had said about Barak Obama during the 2008 Prophetic Update before the man ever became POTUS. He said, “Obama has a teachable spirit.” Perry Stone has never told us who to vote for. He simply presents the facts. That year, he had very little to say about the Republican candidates, which were McCain and Palin I think. (I care so little about politics that I almost pass out any time someone mentions them.)
The first morning service of 2015, he said he told us that Obama would destroy this country if he was elected in 2008. He NEVER said that, not at our church, and at least not in 2008. I’m seriously considering sending my notes from the 2008 conference along with the notes from the first service and asking him about it.
Secondly, the entire conference, all Perry did was sing the praises of Kim Davis, the circuit county clerk who refused to issue marriage licenses to ANYONE, not just homosexual couples, but heterosexual couples as well. The news stories did not give out that piece of information. They made the focus on her refusal to give out marriage licenses to homosexual couples. Perry Stone kept singing her praises and talking about how she chose Jesus over the law. I disagree. I think this woman may have started out with the issue being her convictions, and I applaud anyone who stands up for their convictions, but in the end, it seemed more like she wanted her fifteen minutes of fame, and what’s worse is that people kept giving it to her. Unfortunately, the last I heard about that whole situation was that a few other legal officials have decided to follow in her footsteps.
I know a lot of my church colleagues (for lack of a better word or phrase) are going to freak out upon reading this, however there are scriptures to back up what I am saying. I’ve thought about this from the moment I saw that woman’s name in the news. Romans 13:1 Paul writes “Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities.” EVERY PERSON. It doesn’t say EVERY PERSON EXCEPT Kim Davis. Yes, there are conditions. You are subject to governing authorities unless these laws will cause you to violate a commandment. Sorry, but the ten commandments say nothing about marriage licenses and homosexuality. The commandments include adultery, but nothing else pertaining to marriage. The other condition is that you are subject to the law unless you are being forced to commit an unethical or immoral act. Handing out marriage licenses is not unethical or immoral. This circuit clerk was elected to perform duties and responsibilities for the county, which entails issuing marriage licenses. Does this clerk have to support gay marriage? No, she does not, but she has to do her job. Doing her job does not mean she condones gay marriage. It means that she is showing the people who elected her that they elected the right person for the job. If I had voted for her, I’d be disappointed right now, but thankfully I do not live anywhere near her district.
The bible also says that it is not for us to judge others. In Matthew 7:1-3, it says, “Judge not, that ye be judged. For with what judgement ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?” Think about that. It is not our place to judge ANYONE. ANYONE. If you’re perfect, please raise your hands. I didn’t see any hands. I couldn’t raise my own hand. I’m not perfect, therefore I cannot judge anyone. Also, in Romans 12:19, it talks about how vengeance belongs to the Lord. The circuit clerk had no right to punish those, gay or straight, who wanted marriage licenses. Vengeance belongs to the Lord. It is between those seeking marriage licenses and God, and only God is our judge.
The only thing this whole gay marriage issue did was bring out the worst of some of the people at my church. There are people I looked up to, but when the law allowing gay marriage was passed, I was shocked by some of the status messages filled with hate that were posted by people with whom I go to church. This brings me to the next point. Matthew 22. The greatest commandment is love. Love the Lord you God with all of your heart and mind. Love your neighbor as yourself. (I’m paraphrasing Matthew 22:36-40.) Who is our neighbor? The scripture isn’t talking about those who live in close proximity to us. It’s talking about people you pass on the street, the people with whom you interact each day, everyone. EVERYONE. Where was the love in those status messages? Are gays so repugnant that they are unworthy of the greatest commandment, which is love? Do you really think yelling the scriptures at anyone in the LGBT categories is going to make them feel loved and welcomed into a church? NO! It wouldn’t make me feel loved or welcomed, and I’ve been to that church! I’ve been there! I was called an adulteress and an abomination by the corrupted shepherd himself, but I went to that church and I did everything by the book, and I was still called those things! Why don’t you try loving others for a change? And for the record, Kim Davis is our neighbor. I’m not trying to judge her. I’m simply stating scripture concerning the situation. I understand she has convictions. I really do. What I don’t understand is why she is seen as a hero in the eyes of many Christians when she violated not only the law of the land, but several of God’s laws with her actions. I don’t get it. I also don’t get why it’s okay for Christians to hate gays, which is a sin according to the bible, but they can love all of the other sinners with no problem? I just don’t get it.
Back to the disappointing conference, I was just shocked, but I stuck it out and I tried to remain as objective as possible despite how betrayed I felt. Every single time he sang the praises of Kim Davis, I shut down mentally until he got back to the subject at hand. It was difficult to sit through. Then to make things worse, a few days after the conference, one of my friends got on Periscope and followed Perry Stone, and she was telling me that he was talking about boycotts. Several times he has said from my church platform that he wasn’t the type of person to tell others to boycott things, and that the things he boycotted were for personal reasons, not for him to get up there and tell us why we should boycott as well. Now he’s on Periscope telling his followers to boycott Frito Lay and Starbucks? Really? (The boycott claims were second hand information, so I’m not certain of their validity. I’ve listened to him on Periscope several times and he hasn’t discussed it during those sessions.)
If you boycott every single company that holds beliefs that are different from yours, you will have to grow your own food, make your own clothing, hand soap, dish soap, laundry detergent, cosmetics, and shoes. Boycotts are ridiculous, and they NEVER WORK. I have boycotted several companies for bad service, but those companies are still in business and doing better than ever. I even wrote letters as to why I wouldn’t eat/shop/etc. there, and I received no response. I wasn’t rude in my letters. I didn’t use profanity or threaten anyone. I calmly explained the problems I had experienced as a patron, but I received no response. People boycotted Chic-Fil-A because the CEO or whoever it was shared the opinion that marriage is between a man and a woman, and guess what? Chic-Fil-A is still open. BOYCOTTS DO NOT WORK. And putting boycott information out there on the world wide web only brings in more customers for the company you’re boycotting due to the drama, because people love drama, and they thrive on it. They’re going to go check it out and see what the hype is all about. So congratulations, you just got the company you abhor more business. Good job.
I could go on. I’ve had several people ask me questions concerning gay marriage, like why I’m not outraged by the law being passed, or why I won’t give an opinion on it, or why I didn’t support the bakery who refused to serve the gay couple. (Spoiler alert: it was because the bakery was fine serving the gay couple cookies until the couple requested a wedding cake. Double standard anyone?) I don’t feel like getting into answering the questions I’ve been asked in this particular post. This is simply a post updating the events and happenings in my life. I would compose a separate post concerning these questions, but I don’t know how well it would be received, and I’m not about to get into an online battle with anyone, especially not those who have an extreme hatred toward anyone in the LGBT categories.
After the disappointing conference that I look forward to every year, we went to visit family the following week. Our first stop were to see my new loved ones in DC. I met them for the first time in March. I LOVE Doug’s family. They’re great. I love visiting with them, especially my canine cousin.
Me and Johnny Angel
We had a nice visit consisting of dinner and entertainment. As always, the visit was way too short. It’s a shame we don’t live closer. We bid them adieu and headed for our hotel.
The next day, we drove to my mother’s, which is two hours away from where we were. We got a room at the Red Roof Plus +, which I will never stay at again. We had a nice visit there, but our experience with the Red Roof Plus + was horrible. What happened was the reservations were made at another Red Roof that was further away from my mother’s, and we had to go to the Red Roof ++ to get a room there. After giving our check out date, we were told everything was fine. It wasn’t. I think what happened is they didn’t have a room for that amount of days, and they didn’t want to lose our business, but they’ve lost it for good now.
The first night, we had trouble getting into our room. The second night, my husband had to go to the front desk and ask them to let us in, which they did, all the while saying nothing about how we were supposed to have checked out that morning. The third night, we couldn’t get into our room at all, and they refused to let us in. They took OUR THINGS out of the room and rented it to someone else. Understandably, Doug was angry, because this is information they could have given us THE DAY BEFORE. The desk clerk threatened to call the police on Doug for trying to get our stuff and leave. She wouldn’t let him touch OUR THINGS. I walked out, because all I saw was red, and I didn’t want to let my anger get the best of me.
We got a much nicer room elsewhere and it was over, or so I thought. It only gets worse from there.
While Doug was demanding that woman give us our things so we could leave, some guy and his girlfriend were trying to check in. The guy began stalking me on Facebook. I posted a review detailing all of this, and he commented that my husband cussed out the desk clerk and tried to hit her. I knew this wasn’t true. For starters, Doug doesn’t use profanity. Also, Doug would never hit a woman, no matter how badly she was treating him. But this guy insisted all of these things actually happened. He made fun of Doug’s weight, my weight, (he accused me of doing drugs and called me a crack whore) and just got real personal about it. He Facebook stalked me for an entire day, called me a liar, and said I expected to stay at the Red Roof Minus – for free. It was ridiculous. We got into an all out war, which he started, and he finally backed out when he saw I wasn’t going to let it go. I wasn’t. I did nothing wrong, and yet he continued to harass me over something that wasn’t even any of his business.
People really need to mind their own business. One of these days, that guy is going to stick his nose where it doesn’t belong and interrupt a drug deal, a robbery, or a murder, and end up caught in the crossfire. It’s scary. My philosophy, especially in certain situations where weapons or giant muscly looking people are concerned, is, “Just Keep Walking.”
Other than the ridiculousness with the Red Roof Minus – we had a nice visit with my mother and Arlene and Honey. We ate way too much good food. Then we headed back home and got there in time for the first Judgement House meeting.
The view from Shellye’s office window.
No colored leaves for Shellye.
So Fall has arrived…sort of. The leaves are refusing to change. Why? Because Shellye doesn’t get to have Fall. Shellye moved to a bigger house with a forest behind it, and the leaves are still green, and the green leaved trees are laughing at Shellye and pointing their non colorful leaved branches as they whisper. Shellye doesn’t get to have Fall. Shellye didn’t get to have a dry Fall last year. Shellye doesn’t get to have a colorful Fall this year. Shellye had a rainy fall with no leaves last year.
Since the leaves have refused to change, my office has been transformed into a Fall paradise.
It looks like the leaves aren’t going to change any time soon. They’ll probably change and quickly drop off of the trees when I’m too busy to see them. Story of my life.
Doug and I did attend the Milton Pumpkin Festival this year. It rained during most of it, so he decided we’d go on Sunday. That was a huge mistake. It was 70 and sunny. I was hot and miserable. It certainly didn’t feel like Fall. Half of the vendors that were present last year were not there this year. It wasn’t as fun as it used to be, but we got a few things and headed home.
While we were there, this local chiropractic company was giving out free screenings, so Doug talked me into it. It’s how I ended up with my previous chiropractor. I filled out a thing and won a free visit, including x-rays. Unfortunately, this chiropractor, who after nearly a year claimed that I owed money, and since I didn’t think I’d need to keep the receipts to prove that I paid each time, dumped me. (Most doctors end up dumping me. Usually it’s because my test results are pristine despite my symptoms. If they can’t find a reason, they make one up.)
Back to the free screening. I went through with it, filled out paperwork, and made the appointment, I didn’t think anything of it. My previous chiropractor had said I had a mild case of scoliosis, which runs in my family. No big deal. I simply presumed that a few adjustments would do me some good. I had no idea what I was getting into.
I went to my appointment on Monday, just five days ago. Thankfully Doug was able to go with me, because it was very involved. There were actual tests, not just x-rays, but tests, range of motion tests, and muscle tests, and I had to put on a gown and everything. This chiropractor wasn’t playing around.
It felt strange without my wedding rings.
I had to remove all of my jewelry, including my wedding rings. I think I impressed them based on the fact that I could remove my wedding rings. Apparently most people can’t these days, not when they’ve been married as long as I have.
The x-rays were long and tedious. I had to sit in a chair for the first session. I had to close my eyes because the lights were too bright. I had to stand in positions that a normal person would never stand in and hold my breath. I don’t remember the x-ray session at my previous chiropractor being so involved. This one was more like a photo shoot! I almost expected someone to bring in a fan and the song Freeze Frame to start playing. (I guess it was an eighties photo shoot.)
The x-rays were finished, and all I wanted to do was change back into my clothes and go home. I was exhausted! I was taken to a VERY COLD room, where I was given blankets (the staff is super nice there) and waited to see the chiropractor. I thought for sure we were going to go over my x-rays and scans and range of motion, but after showing Doug that my body is severely out of alignment, he asked us to come back tomorrow and discuss the results.
Tuesday, we returned to the chiropractor. Did I mention they have hot chocolate there? I grabbed a cup while we waited. (Yes, I know, ADD moment.) We were taken to the cold room to discuss the test results. They started with the range of motion tests, and apparently I have no range of motion. I was completely unaware of this. The numbers were in the single digits on the majority of the results. I had to wear a sensor during that test, so the sensor determined the results, it was not a guesstimate from any of the staff. That was shocking. Then the muscle and lumbar sensor tests were discussed, and the results were even more shocking. I scored in the red and black. Let me see if I can remember this. White is normal. Green is mild. Yellow is moderate. Red is severe. Black is beyond severe. All I had were red and black results, and majority of those were black. And just when I thought I couldn’t be shocked any further, he put the x-rays on the screen, and I felt like sobbing the moment I saw them. I’m no doctor, but I know what a back x-ray is supposed to look like, and mine was ridiculously bad. My previous chiropractor told me that I had mild scoliosis. I had adjustments once per week. That was 2012. Fast forward to 2015. How did things get this bad?
The look on the chiropractor’s face said it all. I couldn’t speak for a moment, and I wasn’t sure he was going to, but then he said something that was even more shocking than any of the results. “I’m really surprised you’re able to function at all just by looking at the results.” My inner monologue: How did things get this bad? “The fact that you walked in here is amazing.” How did things get this bad! “The fact that you have any range of motion is surprising.” How did things get this bad?!? “No wonder you’re having migraines.” HOW DID THINGS GET THIS BAD?!? That was all I could think with each thing he said. How did things get this bad in just three years? Did my previous chiropractor miss something? Was he not thorough? Did three years without chiropractic care contribute to this?
The x-rays showed just how misaligned my body is. The left side of my body is ridiculously higher than the right. My shoulders are nowhere near matching up. And while this really isn’t funny, I can’t help but giggle every single time I say this. My head isn’t on straight. *LOL* Do you realize just how often I can use that excuse and get away with it? The best part is I wouldn’t be lying! My head and neck are actually tilted. My upper body is the worst with the misalignment. At this point, nothing is ever going to be perfectly parallel again.
My lower body is just slightly off. (My results explain why every single staff member kept asking me if I had sciatica.) My left leg is significantly longer than my right leg, but my hips are not anywhere as misaligned as my shoulders and neck. With adjustments, my lower body could possibly be perfectly parallel again, but my upper body will never line up properly again. I had my first adjustment, and I had to lie down in a room for twenty minutes after the adjustment, without moving my head. That was difficult. We went up to the front and paid, which cause our first real argument with the insurance company.
I need adjusted three times per week. My copay is ridiculous because I haven’t met my deductible for my ObamaDoesNotCare plan. We can’t really afford the adjustments, so I’m not sure what I’m going to do, or if I’m going to be able to fix this new mess life has generously bestowed upon me, because I know I didn’t purposely do this to myself, however my head isn’t on straight. *lol* Well it isn’t! It’s okay to laugh about it. It’s pretty funny actually, the whole “head not being on straight” thing, not the fact that I can’t afford treatment for it.
I ugly cried all the way home while Doug complained about how much this was going to cost and how we couldn’t really afford it. He’s right though. Being chronically ill is expensive.
But this is my life. I’m not going to fight it anymore. I’m just going to accept it and move on. What else can I do? I can’t go through the five stages of grief like I did with thyroid disease. I know people say that you’re more than you’re illness or fill in the blank of whatever you’re more than, but at this point, I am an illness. I’m a walking illness just waiting to collect more illnesses. (Why is that the only goal I can accomplish?) I have too many issues to say I’m more than my illness.
I’m done doing that.
Wednesday I felt horrible, but I simply assumed it was due to the adjustment. The chiropractor warned me that it would hurt. He wasn’t kidding. I spent most of the day fighting the urge to cry until it was time to get ready for my appointment. I made it through that and began to feel better that evening, so I continued to assume it was the adjustment and sucked it up like a big girl.
Thursday, I had breakfast and worked. It was a seemingly better day with less pain. Then around three o’clock, I began having chills and aches. I went upstairs to lie down until I had to get ready for Judgement House practice, but I kept feeling worse. I took my temp and discovered I had a fever. (As if I didn’t have enough problems.) I messaged Doug and said there was no way I could make it to practice. Then the fever kept climbing, and Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it’s off to the doctor we go. (There was no happy tune whistled that followed.)
I didn’t want to wait five hours in a packed ER, and there’s a UC basically in walking distance from our house if we had to hoof it. We went there. This prompted our second argument with the insurance company. They said our insurance policy was canceled. The best part about that was that payments are automatically taken from our account, so our supposedly canceled insurance policy has been paid for on time each month. The company claimed it was inactivated for nonpayment. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Doug got on the phone and argued with someone, who said the policy shouldn’t be inactive and that the last payment was received on October 18th. It took so long and I just kept feeling worse and worse, so he relented and we decided to pay the bill out of pocket. I was taken back to a room. By the time Doug got back there, he had been able to prove that we had insurance and the payment was refunded. That was one good thing in the midst of this second mess.
The staff at the UC was REALLY NICE. That was the second good thing. I had some tests ran and I was shocked to hear the diagnosis. I have a urinary tract infection. The worst part is that I’ve probably walked around with this infection for almost two years! I only had one noticeable symptom, which was frequent urination, which I presumed was overactive bladder, for which I was going to make an appointment. I probably had more symptoms, but it’s easy for someone who has daily aches and pains to ignore pain. My low back ALWAYS hurts. I sleep wrong, it hurts. I get up wrong, it hurts. I sit or stand too long, it hurts. How was I supposed to associate that with a urinary tract infection? I didn’t have any other symptoms to indicate such an infection until earlier that afternoon. I fell apart, mostly because 1. it has been a bad week, and 2. I felt like a complete idiot.
Still I had no fever, no nausea, no abdominal pain, and no new back pain, but I didn’t feel any less like an idiot. *smh* I was given two antibiotics and we headed to the pharmacy, where Doug spent an hour fighting with the insurance company again. We got the $10 antibiotic, but we couldn’t afford the $500 antibiotic. Yay insurance!
Unfortunately, thanks to this new development, I won’t be doing Judgement House this year. I have never been so depressed in my life. I looked forward to being a part of something that changed my life in 2003, and my body took it from me. My body always ruins things. It’s a horrible servant and a horrible master. I used to be able to fight it, but now I have to give in. I don’t have the strength or even the will to make my body work for me anymore. It’s easier to wave that white flag and surrender to its demands. Fighting it is exhausting, and I abhor the feeling of giving up, but I don’t feel like I have a choice in the matter.
Due to scheduling conflicts with Judgement House, and because the month of October has five weeks this year, we missed out on going to Circleville for The Pumpkin Show. This has been the worst and the lousiest Fall I have ever experienced. It’s starting to look like just another horrible season for me. I’m beginning to loathe pumpkin spice everything, and the green leaves in my backyard are pointing and laughing at me as I type. I just can’t wait for Fall to be over now.
Fall used to be my Christmas time. It used to be a season of hope for me, of renewal; the season where I had tons of energy and I was happy, no, ecstatic is a better word to describe it. Fall has let me down. I won’t look forward to it next year. As a matter of fact, I have decided not to look forward to anything anymore, because there’s a good chance something will happen and the thing I’m looking forward to will be either ruined or taken from me. I’m just going to focus on my work and go from there. There will be no more energy wasted on excitement or anticipation or hope. It will be poured into the now, into my loved ones, into my work, and into the things that I am physically able to accomplish.
That may sound selfish of me or even cynical, but it’s my way of coping. I hate feeling hopeless and depressed, and I can’t choose how I feel physically, but I can choose how I feel mentally and emotionally, so if I don’t give myself the ability to feel hopeless and depressed, it won’t be so difficult for me when disappointments and situations arise in my life, because it’s obvious those things will happen. I won’t be sitting here, depressed that I can’t accomplish something I’ve looked forward participating in for months. I will simply have expected it to happen and be able to focus on the situation instead of vacillating between feeling hopeless and angry and feeling depressed and disappointed in myself.
It’s difficult enough being a writer. Writers live somewhere on the scale between arrogance and self-loathing. As a writer, I vacillate between arrogance and self-loathing on a daily, sometimes an hourly, basis, and it’s either one extreme or the other. I NEVER get to sit in the middle of that scale. (For example, at this very moment. I feel like I’m never going to make it as an author and should just give that up while I’m at it, but that feeling could change in fifteen minutes.) I’ve always heard you should live day to day instead of longing for the past or the future. Everyday is a gift. That’s why it’s called “the present”. Is everyday really a gift? It wasn’t this week, at least it wasn’t for me. That I can say with complete confidence.
That’s how things have been going. As the author of Dormiveglia, I should know that not every story has a happy ending. I had hoped this one would end differently, but it didn’t. These days, it never ends differently. My life is a huge mess and I don’t have the means to fix it. Instead I just have to somehow work around it. Maybe things will be different one day, and maybe they won’t. *shrugs* What I do know is that this is not the life I had planned to live, but here I am. I’ll figure out how to go about it one of these days. Until then…
Sorry. I have no cheers to give. I must go to a field and harvest some for next time.